Through the years, I've come across some clever, miscellaneous statements. I decided to include them on this website. I've included them here for fun. For most, I don't know who said them or where I heard them. For those that I do know where they came from, I cited the source. Enjoy.
- Ad—Oreo flavored Oreos.
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- News—must have missed a word in the teleprompter—The possible side effect of outdated lethal injection drugs is death.
- Ad—possible side effect of birth control is NOT getting pregnant.
- The little things in life should be appreciated, or squashed--ants, mosquitoes, flies . . .
- There are more airplanes in the ocean than boats in the sky.
- The careful application of terror should only be practiced by those people that are in the history books.
- Biology: the only subject where multiplication and division are the same thing. Even addition has its quirks. 1 + 1 = 1 NOT 2. Point in case: 1 egg + 1 sperm = 1 baby.
- Grow a brain.
- It is better to be smart.
- You are hired for your skills, but fired for your attitude.
- Just remember, what you want the most isn't always what it seems.
- Beauty fades, dumb is forever.
- Life is tough, it's tougher if you're stupid. John Wayne
- 90% of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
- Disorganization on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.
- Life is like a dog sled, unless you are the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
- The first step to better times is to imagine them. (Chinese fortune cookie)
- Happy are those who choose their own path. (Seneca, Roman philosopher)
- Things to think about:
- The instructions for my oven indicate that I should fully clean the oven PRIOR to using the self-clean function.
- Creamery and crematorium sound a lot alike, but they have significantly different meanings.
- I heard this joke on TV. The wife was out shopping for a new car. She came home and told her husband that she wanted "something that goes from 0 to 150 in 10 seconds." He went out and bought her a bathroom scale.
- At the gas pump the other day, I read the little sticker on the pump. It stated, "in case of fire, do not remove the nozzle. Notify the attendant." Really! I'm sure that will be the first thing on my mind should the gas pump catch fire.
- I was just reading the direction to installing the new chain on my chain saw. It makes one stop to wonder about people when one reads things like, "turn off the chain saw to sharpen the chain." However, it doesn't say to turn off the chain saw to install the new chain. Is there hope for humanity?
- Have you ever wondered why they sell knives and guns in the store w/o packaging but insist on putting such items as thermometers and computer memory disks in impenetrable plastic packages that take an extremely sharp pair of scissors and extreme muscle power to open?
- Don't forget, the electric blow dryer states, "don't use this product while in the shower."
- I never will forget when I signed the papers to purchase my house. They made me sign a paper stating that I wouldn't eat the paint. No kidding.